my biggest fear is I’m married & my husband says, “let’s cut sugar out of our diet” so I have to leave with the kids in the middle of the night
fastest way to unwrap a mummy in a music video: 9,75 seconds
me: damn dude check out this blog
friend: that’s your own dude
me: yeah i know, sick right?
give em the ol razzle dazzle
”’I’m really not a cat person”’
but their feeT LOOK LIKE BEANS
THEIR. FEET. LOOK. LIKE. BEANS.
*reads bad horoscope* *throws rock at stars* fuck u fake bitch
If you can’t deal with my sarcasm. I can’t deal with being your friend.